When I was a small child I fell off my bicycle and hurt my finger quite badly. At first I definitely didn’t ever want to ride that bike again, but after a while I relented, slowly, slowly, and eventually I’d almost forgotten about it. So, the fear that I’d experienced had all but disappeared, replaced by a lesson learned.
As I’ve grown up my motivation has, at times, faltered, and it gets easier and easier to put projects on the back burner. For me, this isn’t a symptom of lack of focus or boredom, more forced prioritising. I have a lot going on in my life, just the way I like it, but occasionally something important comes up and I have to put everything else to one side.
I’ve been through one of these lapses recently. My brother has emigrated to Perth and my day job became more than a day job for a while and I just had to have a pause in my writing. As things settled down for me, I realised that what had seemed like weeks without writing was actually months. I’d been stuck in a time warp, where my writing time had become elastic. I was so surprised at my lack of writing for so long, and, when I explored where I had put projects down, I found that I had left them at crucial points and since then valuable feedback from my beta readers and flowed in.
So. How to get started again? I found that even thought I was keen to get going again, I wondered which direction these projects should take, what my options were and, inevitably, the potential barriers.
Writing can be both exciting and terrible. I find the gestation, plotting and writing of a story exciting and motivating as I lose myself in the structure and the characters. The review and submission process not so exciting, because of the fear of rejection.
So, here we are again at fear. Just like my fear of getting back onto my bicycle, fear of hurt again, I’ve faced the fear of putting a lot of time and energy into creating something that may ultimately be rejected. I’ve taken the risk, and in doing so have understood what is important to me in the process and that if I don’t try again I’ll never know if I could have succeeded. What motivated me was the journey. Small-child me eventually saw the thrill of cycling over the dirt tracks and in the park as an opportunity, despite the risk of falling off again. Similarly, I am beginning to see the journey of revising my novel as an opportunity, despite the risk that it may never be published.
Risk and fear. Both keep me in a day job and I’m beginning to see how both have their part to play in creativity. I’m writing again, and enjoying the journey.